I have questions God can’t answer!

questionsThis morning I sit pondering what tweaks to my past might have most affected the present more positively. To be sure, even the most minor and insignificant of changes would have had an impact on where I stand today. Problem is, I am quite unsure that those alterations would result to modify only those aspects of life I count as negative. If indeed I could remove the pain and disappointment, doesn’t it stand to reason that many of those things I take perfect pleasure in may also vanish? I think so. On this, the thoughts turn to a sort of balance where I weigh what I would like to loose against that which I should like to keep. If that which I would throw away outweighs that which I would keep, then changes to the past could indeed be worth it. But then, whose to say that changes I would make, while removing my current struggles, would not result in much greater pain than exist for me now? Had I known where past choices would lead me, I may have changed them; but the fact is, I didn’t know and made those choices with eyes wide open. Are my eyes any more open today than they were then? What makes me think myself a wiser teller of the future now? It is quite simple to arrogantly foretell events of the past, for there is no foretelling involved at all.

As I try to remove myself from this frustrating cycle of thought toward more productive things, I turn to business. Immediately, I find myself once again seeking to predict the future in order to make better decisions today; and indeed I should. Apart from this, each and every chance action, though they may fortuitously turn out positively, is mere foolishness. In fact, for the prudent, all of life is a guessing game – it’s just a matter of how well we play. The wise seek counsel, investigate available data, research trends, revisit the past and more. How is it that this is good and proper as regarding business and not in terms of my own personal life? I do not know.

Then, my morning reading lightens the weight of the day with this simple perspective offered by C.S. Lewis in A Grief Observed, “Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable. How many hours are there in a mile? Is yellow square or round? Probably half the questions we ask – half our great theological and metaphysical problems – are like that.”

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