How is it that people who are quite obviously eaten up with Pride can say they believe in God and appear to themselves very religious?– C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)
I fear I have become and continue in becoming the object of whom this question is posed. I acknowledge this to be the essence of my depravity. It’s not that I think so highly of myself directly. I do, however, hold every thing, every effort, every attempt, every one up to the standard by which I measure expectations of myself. This continual comparison brings focus to the difference between each where I falsely assume my own approach to be the better of the two. So, while I may not hold myself in high esteem, I continually find that I am looking down on others.
This is not a conscious decision, which is all the more frightful in that it has become a part of who I am. I wish it were not so. I ask forgiveness. I work to be better. I achieve a moment of empathy where I truly see something for what it is, beautiful and glorious. I sense this to be a hint of humility. I am pleased with this growth in my nature – I take pride in my humility, now one step further from where I so desire to be.
God forgive me. Aid me in the transformation I so believe you have begun in me that I resist with such unintended veracity.